Existing in a Vacuum.
Staying true to who you are.
hello hello. writing this piece i can seem to imagine a life where regardless of momentary lapses, the world never grows dull. this may be the high i’ve caught after the day i had, or it could be just my subtle Mania. regardless, i do not have an opposition to it. happiness is happiness, even if it may result in a depressive low coming along.
this weeks newsletter is about staying true to who you are.
when i told my closest of friends that i was moving, the one thing my loveliest Hannah Turner kept insisting upon was that i never change. her emphasis on me staying true to who i am and never hiding myself was ethereal to me. having someone like that in your life who understands you to the depths of you and makes sure to remind you of your fundamentals even when you seem to forget is a blessing beyond comparison.
it is with these thoughts and ideas that i have started to lead my life in a direction i seemed to have never come across before.
the past week i have been at war with myself, ranting my brains out to a friend at uni about all the turmoil and different variables of life that have been getting me down. in the midst of my screaming, i sat back for a moment today and just imagined. i pictured a life for myself where i had everything i wanted and more. a place where i belonged and a moment where i knew i had something good within myself. a relief in knowing that i may not be all bad, all drama and messy messy lifestyles.
as i dreamt, i came to the realization that all my troubles and issues and worries were stemming from one particular root, changing myself.
i had subconsciously internalized this whole idea of being too much so much so that i decided to change everything about myself for the sake of having some quite. all the while, this change brought me more noise than i could have ever imagined. my escape from the drama became the sole reason for all the new and improved drama that surrounded my every move for the past month.
in this process, i thought about HT a lot. i thought about all the things she said to me at my farewell, all the promises i made to her for always being true to who i am and never changing. i realized the reasoning behind her choice of words and the emphasis of such; she knows me to the bone.
the song that brought forth this realization for me wasn’t actually a song. this is an urdu ghazal (basically spoken word poetry) called Woh Humsafar Tha by Abida Parveen. this ghazal gave me a new insight on life and the complexities of existing in a vacuum.
as i sit with these thoughts, i begin to breathe in my new surroundings with no hesitation. this may be my flu talking but i know that the only way i can truly stay afloat is by doing what i’ve always done, being myself. utterly myself.
no matter what may happen, the longer i stay true to myself, the quicker the haze disappears. what i ask of you? do not, for anyone, leave yourself behind. you and your fundamentals are beyond comparison more important than anyone or anything else. be yourself, be you. do not lose your grip, hold onto yourself with such passion that you may never imagine a life in the shadows. as proven, when you do not shy away from being yourself, you shine with such an exuberant glow that the world is inclined to levitate towards you. you a gem love, do not dim your shine for anyone.
until next time, ciao
x